From episode: Navigating the First Year as a Firewife, Loss, and Resilience
you're working full time, husband's working full time. You guys have two kids. Yup. How's the adjusting going at home? It's good. You know, I think once I finally accepted, and I would say I'll be truthful, I'm still not quite there, but like accepted the fact that I have to be really flexible, the more flexible one. You guys have always talked about the default parents and all that. And I never really thought about that until I started listening. And I think for a long time, I felt like this is so unfair. Why? Just because my work is flexible and yours is an absolute, why does this all have to fall on me? I feel like I'm moving backwards in my job. And then I feel like I'm frustrated with that and kind of disappointed in myself. And then I feel like, you know, as a, as a mom, then because that energy is kind of there, then I'm not being the best mom I can be either. It can be hard still, but I think I just need to get to a place of fully accepting this is what it is and fully supporting him and our lifestyle and getting a better grasp about it. We are getting better about it every week. So it's just figuring out the balance and also being positive and making sure that we're on top of our schedules as much as possible too, so that we're splitting all of our time where need be and also keeping our marriage strong, which of course, you know, everybody knows is effort in itself. So yeah, it's a lot. I mean, don't get it twisted. Like we're over here 15 years in still just like all the same things that you're having. No, I think, I think I've finally resigned myself to the fact that I'm just not going to work because it's impossible. I literally made that decision this year. I'm like, well, for what reason? Like for me. I know. I know. I mean, I shouldn't say this because my bosses are probably going to listen to this because they're the best and they support me. They're like brothers to me and my whole team is awesome, which is pretty much the only reason saying, but yeah, I thought the same thing. Like some days I'm like, why am I even working? Like, I don't even feel like I can give anything there because I just can't. The priority lies where my family is and they need me, especially. I mean, it's never going to change when your kids get older as you know, and I'm not there yet, but especially when they're little, they need me like physically and emotionally quite a bit. So, you know, I just have to put myself there and then work the best that I can and do the best that I can because it does matter to me too. It's really hard for us. I think as moms, because we feel like, like you said, I mean, we've talked about this a million times about being the default parent. It's one of those things where it's like, I don't know where in society. Well, I do a long time ago, they decided that the man works and the wife stays home and all of the responsibilities for the home life and the kids fall on the mom. And it's one of those things where it's kind of like, how do you get out of that? Especially when you are married to a firefighter or first responder where it's like, they can't work part -time. They can't decide what days they're working. You don't have the option to, you know, work your schedules and try to coordinate things all the time because of overtime and things like that. And it's very hard, especially when the kids are little. I mean, I stayed home for eight and a half years until my youngest was in kindergarten because I was like you where I was just like, I don't know how to do this. I can't be five places at once. It's not humanly possible. Right. And so I think it just leads women to believe that it's our job to take over all of the family dynamics. And it's just, it's really, really hard.